If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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