my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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