to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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