YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
