Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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