guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
