dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
