I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
