All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
