Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
