She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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