You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
cat food counts as protein by the way
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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