PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
