i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
