There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
