Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
soo... how was my night?
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