Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
