I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
