I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
