sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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