You smell like a Billy Joel song
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
