pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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