peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
