We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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