So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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