Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
