the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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