Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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