last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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