so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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