Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ttyl tear gas
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
