I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
