While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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