ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
