just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
