i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
