Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
