i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
