the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
