He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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