he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
