I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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