Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
