i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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