Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
