He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
