I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
