the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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