make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
