I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
