I am spending my child support on dildos
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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