ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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