her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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