I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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