I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
