Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
