my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
